This is starting to get to me.
Another attempt, another failure.
But this time conditions were perfect, perfect, perfect. I had lots of energy, food, time. OK, the first two times we knew the weather conditions were poor or that we didn't have the gas to get up and down in the time. But today I had everything going my way and felt the summit via the North East face was mine. This is what I've been waiting for.
Nik, Jason and I tried this route last weekend but were put off by the weather. This time I went solo and packed for a high bivy. I hitched a ride up the snowmobilers clubhouse which saved me a ton of time and energy. Perfect. I skinned up and along the ridge making good time. Perfect.
As I crested the moraine, serac breakage was all around. It wasn't here last weekend or maybe it wasn't apparent with the low viz we had then. I looked past this to the route up the icefall slopes and had a strange feeling like "don't go up there". The temperature was very warm and forecast to get warmer, there was 8" of fresh snow from this weeks dump on top of an icy layer. I had not observed any avalanche activity on the way up and conditions felt very solid. The climb up the moraine and lower glacier was trouble free. I saw the snowmobilers were absolutely fearless of steep slopes with cornices above them, or maybe they are just naive of the danger.
I thought of my options: bivy in a safe place instead of trying to make it to the upper glacier today. But where? The top of the moraine where the usual bivy site is, I deemed way to close to the serac fall. 500 m away on the other side of the glacier is a another moraine but who know if a big chunk couldn't make it over there after accelerating down this side. Shit! Perfect weather. Lots of time. I'm not tired at all. Tomorrow is going to be another blu sky day.
Let me just take a look past this serac debris, at the snow slope that I need to climb up.
As soon as I moved, my preminition really kicked in " if you go up there today, you will die". It sounded inside my head as clearly as if someone next to me said it. Followed by. "you are solo, there is no one who can help you or go for help"
Ok then, off come the skins and down I go.
It was, one of the strangest and unique moments in my life.
Today, while taking my 10 mo. old daughter for a walk I looked up at the blue sky. And it was nice to see.
The mountain will still be there for me some other day.